I feel alone, lonely, entirely. I feel like i’m not anyones priority. I also feel unwanted. No one desires my company, noone wants my presence. I’m not ever thought about. Not randomly brought up. I cant remember the last time I received a message or a call from someone wanting to make plans to see me. More so, others just comply when I contact them and suggest to spend time together. Mind you, they don’t always comply, or they do and then they flake or “forget”. Man, it’s tough being home.
I just genuinely enjoy spending time on my own. Perhaps it’s partially because I never feel completely alone, or lonely, since I live in a house of 6 other girls. But sometimes, I feel the need to pass up on dinners or plans during the day because really, I genuinely need ‘me’ time. Some time to do absolutely nothing productive. Some time to partake in any activity that is not memorable in the slightest. Time to just be with my thoughts and collect myself. There is something so beautiful about taking a pause and knowingly partaking in the decreasing of time through actions which do not matter. As thus, I am currently content. Blissfully content.
5 essays in 8 days… I’m hungry, tired, sleep deprived and miserable- but hay, at least I’m “learning something” right?
… Here we 10 page and 30 page paper, please be gentle
Anyone else think that Anne Hathaway ruined Love and other Drugs? Like, if it had been any other star, I’d love it 50x more. I refuse to reblog gifs from that movie, just because she’s in them… despite my love for Jake.
Frosted cranberry candle? Check.
White vanilla chai tea? Check.
America’s next top model marathon? Check.
Cozy sweater? Check.
Hangover cure? Here’s hoping..
= The keys to success on my 20 minute presentation tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my mind all over the place, my thoughts in pieces. Everything around me seamed so foggy and despite the sun shining, the world didn’t seam beautiful. You were in my dream last night and it was as though you were shaking me back and forth, shouting at me for forgetting you. Truth is i’ve used my overwhelming stress with school to keep my binders on, and focus on nothing work. I’ve been patting myself on the back and praising myself for being so incredibly studious and getting such great grades, better grades than I have ever gotten since I’ve been at University, but truth is Em, you’re the one to blame. I’ve buried myself in work because suffocating myself in my studies makes crying easier. Because it’s not about you. For the first time in months I’ve had something else cry about, and it’s been bitter sweet. I know last night you came to me with a smile on your face like “umm hello!! Remember me?” And you’re right, enough is enough. But I promise I havent forgot you, and I’ve loved you every day. ∞
And it’s all fresh and pretty. I vacuumed it and everything! I have a cranberry pear bellini candle lit and it smells like sunshine! Then I moved my bed around because I needed some change. Even though its a stupid little change. Sometimes you just need change. mhm.
Lets not talk about the assignment I still havent started.. procrasination at it’s finest.. kk i’m going to watch parenthood now and not do work. oops.